Harlem Nights.

My cop friend says my precinct- the 32 (central/west Harlem above 130th)- is the worst in Manhattan.

Maybe statistically. There’s probably a lot more drug activity and violent crime in my neighborhood.

…but it doesn’t touch me. I know everyone on my block, even the crackheads. And I have more West African representatives at my disposal than the fucking UN.

Leaving my friend’s apartment in East Harlem tonight (well, if 3 am counts as “night”), still dressed in a skirt and heels from class, I was accosted by a group of thuglets.

“You going to work, sweetheart?” one asked me.

“Nah, but I bet you’re already in the office!” They all laughed and confirmed my assumption.

One followed me across the street. “Let me just tell you one thing,” he said. “This pile of garbage right here,” he said, motioning to the massive trashpile in front of us, “is full of fuckin’ rats.”

I was about to remark that everything in NY is “full of fuckin’ rats” when a kitten-sized motherfucker ran out from under a cereal box and nearly knocked me off my stilettos.

P.S. On the subject of my West African representatives, take heed:
The Mafrika Festival is June 2, 2008 from 12-6 pm!
Marcus Garvey Park
Mt. Morris Park West &122nd St.
(Mt. Morris Park West & Madison Ave.) NYC
Subway: 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6 to 125th St. )

Abdel, the owner of Shrine, has informed me that I am a volunteer.

Tags: 1-2-5 and lexington, harlem, hooker impersonator, nyc, nypd, rats, thugs