A half-assed tour of Miami.

Sneads and Tallahassee, FL.

On the way to shoot a prison interview in Sneads, FL.

Florida v. Miami in Gainesville, September 6, 2008.

Miami, Boca, and Ft. Lauderdale…with a Jamaican.

Karl was visiting Miami this weekend. We took him to an NBA game, an NCAA scrimmage game, and the fucking Waffle House…he’s practically an American now.

Miami, Once Again.

(On the night preceding my trip, I sort of left my camera at a bar on 58th and 5th. It’s there and safe, but generally, I’d rather lose a limb than my camera. And last night at a bar, I deeply lamented its absence when a guy in a cow suit danced around a mechanical bull, the Kansas/Memphis game projected on a six foot screen behind him.)

Since I’m going to assail your eyes with extra-shitty pictures taken with the shitty camera I purchased from and soon after returned to Circuit City (a 15% restocking fee made it tantamount to a rental, as far as I’m concerned), look at Trey’s pictures.

Not shitty at all.

Billy and Alfred are part owners of a new club in SoBe, Bella Rose, which opened Friday.

Florida Pictures (1/22/08).

The Many Faces of the Great Penis State.

NYE in Miami (01/01/08).

I landed in Fort Lauderdale around noon on New Year’s Eve. I had an altercation at the Guatemala City airport with the security bitch, who selected my most expensive beauty products and said “you no take.” As always, I showed up ~40 minutes before my flight and, by some miracle of God, made it onboard. I listened to the Tennessee missionaries in front of me babble for two fucking hours on the plane, listened to them for another hour in the customs line, then finally met Billy in the parking lot.

Went to the gym, went to Target, made Billy a really healthy ground turkey meatloaf; ran to a couple stores to get shit for NYE.

This is the Miami skyline. I wasn’t attempting a gay artsy, shot…I didn’t have a tripod.

Isis invited us on her dad’s boat. We went out to Biscayne Bay, drank, and talked.

Gainesville, Florida Pictures (November 21, 2007).

I would have so much more to say about my weekend travels if I were still and sober long enough to write about them while they were happening. Instead, I’m writing about last weekend three hours before I have to go to JFK to catch a flight to Jamaica. Anyway…

Billy suggested we go to Gainesville for the Florida/Florida Atlantic game, so I flew into Ft. Lauderdale Friday and we drove up. He doesn’t give a fuck about football…and his interest in the University of Florida began and ended with his documentary about a nasty girl that was “raped” there…but he’s a sport.

Nick Harvey lives there now.

Gainesville…sort of sucks.

Miami Hurricanes Pictures (November 5, 2007).

Big college football towns are such because they don’t contain shit else in terms of distractions. Generally, there’s a scrubby, landlocked town centered around a huge school, a couple Wal-marts, and too many shitty little bars and drunken college retards to count. The climate is unpleasant (oppresively hot and humid like in Gainesville or cold and windy as shit like in Columbus), and if you drive five minutes outside the town in any direction, you roll through countless Deliverance-esque little scum villages.

Miami, FL. Again. (August 1, 2007).

Miami.