Always Dislocated.

Square Grouper, coming soon.

vegannramember — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 06:58:09 +0000

A half-assed tour of Miami.

vegannramember — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 01:50:50 +0000

Jones Boatyard, where in the mid-80′s, the bloated bodies of a few drug smugglers turned up…the doing of The Miami River Cops, dozens of corrupt Miami Police who wanted to get in on the drug trade themselves.

Miami Jai-Lai. Still open, somehow.

Little Havana:

Try to spot ONE sign in English.

Coconut Grove/Coral Gables:

The Mayfair, home of the famous nightclub Faces in the 80′s.

Key Biscayne:

The Rusty Pelican, a subpar restaurant with a sick view.

Well said.

The Miami Marine Stadium:

Jimbo’s:

Jimbo’s, a “bar” where they sell beer and smoked fish. In 1980, two Colombian brothers inexplicably had $4 million to blow on a horror/sci-fi flick, so they built shacks on this property to mimic a Bahamian village. The film, Island Claws, didn’t see much success, but the shacks remain to this day. Jimbo’s was also used in “The Glades” episode of Miami Vice…it was supposed to look like Everglades City. It sorta worked.

P.S. The Colombian brothers were indicted in 1984 for trafficking in cocaine. Real shocker.

Bocce ball…I don’t know what the fuck this is, but they play it here.

Fisher Island in the distance.

Virginia Key Beach:

Downtown/Brickell:

Empty Brickell condos.

Downtown. Where everything closes at 5pm.

The Metrorail, which was supposed to revolutionize commuting in Miami.

When the rich decided they didn’t want a fucking monorail running through their neighborhoods, though, it became sort of a mobile urinal for the homeless.

The soon-to-be defunct Gusman Theater.

Bayside. A mall. I don’t recommend visiting.

Also, not recommended.

Federal courthouse. For obvious reasons, security is quite tight on federal trials in Miami.

Skyline from Watson Island.

The Beach:

This is probably a Burn Notice set.

A flophouse South of 5th.

Much of SoBe is still pretty scummy and old school.

Haulover:

Savannah, GA.

vegannramember — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 07:51:44 +0000

Very…quaint.

Paula Deen’s restaurant.

Sneads and Tallahassee, FL.

vegannramember — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 07:44:14 +0000

On the way to shoot a prison interview in Sneads, FL.

Tallahassee:

Tallahassee’s first and only “boutique” hotel.

Shantytown Under Julia Tuttle Remains Proof that Florida is Ass Backwards.

vegannramember — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 12:08:39 +0000

(I’d use my own picture…but there’s no fucking way I’d go down there to take one. Wait- why is there a little boy down there???)

How is this still going on? And why is Satan’s law firm, the ACLU, the only body genuinely attempting to rectify the situation?

It isn’t just the human rights violations inherent in forcing ~100 men to live under a bridge in oppressive heat with virtually no electricity or water (which is undeniable, even if said men enjoy fisting 9 year-old boys.) The real issue is the inability of the DOC to keep the others under wraps.

Of 259 offenders listed as “transient,” 106 have ABSCONDED. I haven’t researched the magical world of sex offender management extensively, but I’m guessing the inability to locate 41% of sex offenders and predators is objectively preposterous. I’d also assume that these numbers were substantially lower before legislation mandating pervert apartheid was passed. I calculated Fulton County, GA’s sex offender absconsion rate, too…it’s about 10%.

The offenders who are at least superficially law-abiding live in tents under a fucking bridge, and the ones who aren’t…almost half of the people we’ve deemed unsuitable to live among us…

…are loose; free to rape, batter, and flash with abandon.

Miami: as shitty and dangerous as it was in the ’80′s…without all the drug money to prop it up.

vegannramember — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 01:23:57 +0000

Almost weekly, newspapers and magazines publish surveys denouncing Miami as “the worst” of something.

These surveys are spot-on.

My pictures from various third world countries and Miami made for a fun game: “Is it Miami, or is it Haiti?” (Other variations include: “Is it Miami, or is it the Dominican Republic?” and “Is it Miami, or is it Jamaica?”) I’ve fooled even longtime residents of Miami.

Take a guess!

(Ok, this one’s too easy. It’s Miami, obviously.)

3rd most dangerous. There have been so many shoot-outs at the club across the street from my residence that when they occur, they’re no longer deemed newsworthy.

9th most miserable. If Miami weren’t so warm, it’d undoubtedly be in the top 3.

I happen to disagree with this one. I’ve driven in LA. I’ve driven in DC. Only in Miami do I find myself trapped in the left lane on the highway behind an oblivious old Cuban man going 30 MPH in a cargo van twice a week.

This is especially appalling when you consider that ALL the cities preceding it on the list have substantially higher median incomes than that of Miami.

Second only to Detroit. DETROIT!

Ohio State v. USC; Columbus, OH 09/12/09

vegannramember — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:45:43 +0000

I went to OSU v. USC last weekend.

I believe the SEC to be the only half-decent conference in the NCAA. Besides, people in the Midwest are too fucking polite. I don’t think one person said an unkind word to me. Walking to the stadium at any SEC game, fans of the rival team will scream profanities at you. Five year-old girls will pelt you with cups of beer. That’s the way it ought to be.

NJ to OH:

Downtown:

High Street:

These kids liked my friend’s stupid suit so much, they gave him free jello shots and beer.

By the stadium:

Someone else got the stupid pants memo.

Tailgating:

The game:

106,000+ attendees- a record for the stadium. They still lost.

New Orleans, 8/22/09.

vegannramember — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 08:11:35 +0000

Impromptu weekend trip to New Orleans.

Tulane area:

…say dey gonna beat dem Saints?

Block to block in NOLA goes from pretty…

…to pretty shitty.

From the local free paper’s “best of” feature.

The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway is a bridge that puts that 7-mile joke in the Keys to shame. 24 miles of creepiness.

The Causeway meets land again in Mandeville.

Mandeville is gorgeous…eerily quaint.

…creepy.

This is probably one of the towns that had a civilian militia stationed at the parish border to keep Orleans parish residents the fuck out after Katrina.

More NOLA:

Bourbon Street bullshit:

Disappointed with his loot, post-mooning.

Jackson Square.

Once a brewery; now the city’s saddest mall.

Hurricane preparedness.

Canal Street.

French Market.

Magazine Street.

Mid-City. Obviously.

Airport. Thrilling.

Harlem Mourns Loss of Pedophile.

vegannramember — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 06:37:17 +0000

Everglades City: “If you need anything while you’re here…go to Naples.”

vegannramember — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:09:48 +0000

The ValuJet Memorial.

Fishing by the side of the Tamiami trail.

There were something like five of these motherfuckers dead in one quarter-mile stretch.

The buildings in the background are apparently failed timeshares.

Riverside drive:

The Watchtower.

Valerie Wisecracker.

Airport.

Dinner at the Seafood Depot.

Tall fucking mangroves.

Casualty of Hurricane Wilma.

Floyd.