A half-assed tour of Miami.

Jones Boatyard, where in the mid-80’s, the bloated bodies of a few drug smugglers turned up…the doing of The Miami River Cops, dozens of corrupt Miami Police who wanted to get in on the drug trade themselves.

Miami Jai-Lai. Still open, somehow.

Little Havana:

Try to spot ONE sign in English.

Coconut Grove/Coral Gables:

The Mayfair, home of the famous nightclub Faces in the 80’s.

Key Biscayne:

The Rusty Pelican, a subpar restaurant with a sick view.

Well said.

The Miami Marine Stadium:

Jimbo’s:

Jimbo’s, a “bar” where they sell beer and smoked fish. In 1980, two Colombian brothers inexplicably had $4 million to blow on a horror/sci-fi flick, so they built shacks on this property to mimic a Bahamian village. The film, Island Claws, didn’t see much success, but the shacks remain to this day. Jimbo’s was also used in “The Glades” episode of Miami Vice…it was supposed to look like Everglades City. It sorta worked.

P.S. The Colombian brothers were indicted in 1984 for trafficking in cocaine. Real shocker.

Bocce ball…I don’t know what the fuck this is, but they play it here.

Fisher Island in the distance.

Virginia Key Beach:

Downtown/Brickell:

Empty Brickell condos.

Downtown. Where everything closes at 5pm.

The Metrorail, which was supposed to revolutionize commuting in Miami.

When the rich decided they didn’t want a fucking monorail running through their neighborhoods, though, it became sort of a mobile urinal for the homeless.

The soon-to-be defunct Gusman Theater.

Bayside. A mall. I don’t recommend visiting.

Also, not recommended.

Federal courthouse. For obvious reasons, security is quite tight on federal trials in Miami.

Skyline from Watson Island.

The Beach:

This is probably a Burn Notice set.

A flophouse South of 5th.

Much of SoBe is still pretty scummy and old school.

Haulover: